Self-Compassion as a Recovery Practice

By Alexandra Forsythe; Eating Disorder Recovery Coach at Supportive AF and KHF

How to use self compassion as a tool in recovery*

I came across Dr. Kristin Neff while listening to a podcast and instantly connected with her description of self-compassion. She defines self-compassion as “giving the kindness and support to ourselves that we would give to a good friend.” Showing yourself self-compassion is a helpful practice to use on your recovery journey.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion can be described as having three main elements: 

1. Self-kindness. Allowing you to be kind and supportive to yourself even if you feel you have mishandled a situation or think you’ve done something wrong.
2. Common humanity. (acknowledging that you are human) Allows you to show support instead of judgement towards yourself or others.
3. Mindfulness. By turning compassion inward allows you become more supportive and understanding of your inner self and extend compassion to yourself in moments of felt inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.

Learning the skills of self-compassion are just as important as learning how to set a goal in recovery.

Journal Prompt

Can you think of a time where you showed yourself compassion?

In order to be self-compassionate you need to learn to accept where you are and also understand how you got to where you are. This means learning to accept that you have done the best you could in each situation with the skills you had at the time.

Taking responsibility, turning toward your behaviors allows you to learn lessons and commit fully to recovery. You don’t need to be harsh to yourself in order to recover.

Saying you’re a human, being honest that your healthy self wasn’t strong, and being open to your eating disorder self, allows yourself to learn and commit to healthy-self behaviors.

How to cultivate self-compassion*

1. Mindfulness: This is the first step to self-compassion. You learn to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings and practice being kind to ourselves. It’s a practice of acknowledging your thoughts and feelings. It’s easier to be compassionate towards others, step outside yourself, like how you would see a friend and say wow you’re really hurting and that’s okay.

2. Self-compassion break: intentional mindfulness, reminding yourself you’re not alone. When there is a negative thought or emotion comes, it’s time for what Dr. Kristen Neff calls a “self compassion break.” You can do this with words and or touch. Identify the emotion you’re feeling, locate the feeling in the body, put a gentle hand over the area in the body which practices caring and kindness, try to soften the body around the emotion and say something kind to yourself like “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, is there anything I can do for you?”

3. Make friends with inner critic: 
Modeling self-compassion out loud will educate others and show people there is a better way to talk to themselves. Try saying to yourself “I see you’re trying to help me but these negative emotions aren’t helping me grow and I’m committed to my recovery.”  Or “The more I accept myself the more I can grow.” Or “You can choose to do the hard thing” which is often the healthy self and recovery choice.

Putting into practice

Self-compassion is a practice, the more you engage in self-compassion, the more natural it will become. Today try to be mindful about self-compassion and try to notice any thought patterns around a certain time of day, meal, or task.

Struggling with self compassion in your eating disorder recovery? At the Kirsten Haglund Virtual Transitional Living Program, our Certified Eating Disorder Recovery Coaches can help. We provide one-on-one coaching and group workshops tailored to helping you build skills like self-compassion. Click here for more information on our program and how to apply.

–Original post by Alexandra Forsythe

*Note: these tips should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Always consult with your healthcare professional.